‘How HIV affected my identity’

Nathan is gay, HIV positive, and an Orthodox Jew.

Nathan is gay, HIV positive, and an Orthodox Jew. When he revealed not only his sexuality but also his HIV status to his family and friends, they were appalled and moved quickly to ostracise him. “At the beginning it was really hard,” he said. “Some people found out by accident and some people could not deal with it and thought that they were going to catch it from me, by drinking from the same cup. “They did not want to invite me to their houses” Seriously ill Growing up, Nathan had been part of a close-knit Orthodox Jewish community in London. Every aspect of his life had revolved around his religion. “I grew up in a Hasidic part of London and all my friends were into being Jewish and being part of the Orthodox community,” he said. “I was part of this until I was 18 and then everything went haywire, particularly because of my sexuality. “My core network of friends disintegrated because of who I was and the way I changed.” Because he had lived such an insular life, Nathan knew little about Aids. His boyfriend wrongly assured him he had been tested and was clear, and they had unprotected sex. Shortly afterwards Nathan, now 31, became seriously ill. He had a high temperature, night sweats and then thrush all over his body. Then, he found himself unable to walk and had to use a wheelchair. A blood test revealed he was HIV positive. Lasting love But despite being so sick, Nathan dragged himself to an HIV demonstration and it was there that he met the love of his life. A decade later the couple are still together. Nathan, who has been HIV positive for 14 years now, had worried that his illness was going to leave him ostracised from his community. However, he was introduced to other gay Orthodox Jews and told about the Jewish Aids Trust, which Jewish people with the HIV virus. “My core network of friends disintegrated because of who I was” Nathan “They have really become my core network and supporters. They are fantastic,” he said. “They visit me and take me out for day trip when I am ill and can’t walk and they have become my friends.” Thanks to them and other gay Orthodox Jews he has met, Nathan has got back his “Yiddishkeit”, or Jewish identity. But he admits that, although people are now more understanding about his sexuality and condition, few speak about it publicly. “Over the past few years I have become more Orthodox. “The Rabbi knows about my status, but he can’t stand up publicly and support me. “The people in the synagogue who know about it keep quiet.” WorkNathan has a job working in a Jewish law firm and says his bosses have been very understanding about his condition. “I do take a lot of time off when I am not well. “The human resources person said that I shouldn’t worry and that they would not need to put the fact that I am HIV on my file, and that if I was ill I should just get a letter from my doctor.” “We are here because we care and because there is a need”Jewish Aids Trust spokesman But Nathan said his relationships with his family members had been more difficult to mend. When he announced he was gay his brothers and sisters ostracised him and he still does not have a close relationship with them, although he has been building bridges with his mother. “I do speak to my mother twice a week, but with the rest of the family it is touch and go.” Nathan also says that being Jewish causes him problems because it alienates him from many of the services he needs to access, many of which offer clinics on Saturdays – the Jewish Sabbath. Support A spokesman for the Jewish Aids Trust, where Nathan gets advice, said people needed a good support network when they received a positive diagnosis. “An HIV diagnosis is extremely difficult for anyone. With their illness, which has no cure, and which for some people carries with it huge stigma, life can suddenly become very difficult,” the spokesman said. “At the Jewish Aids Trust we offer emotional, social, practical and financial support to people in this situation, together with support for families and carers of those living with HIV. This is provided by the director and her group of committed volunteers. “We are the only Jewish organisation offering this type of support, which cannot be found elsewhere within the Jewish community. “For some people whose families have disowned them we are their only source of contact with the Jewish world. Knowing that there is a group of people who care has given them succour. “We are there for everyone regardless of what branch of Judaism they belong to. “We never ask, nor are we interested, in how they became infected with HIV. We are here because we care and because there is a need.(Source: BBC, Jane Elliott, Sunday, 20 July, 2003, 16:05 GMT 17:05 UK)