Discussing weight issues and obesity with a loved one

We all know relationships are complex and informed by multifarious dynamics. And by now, we know that Australia’s obesity epidemic affects us all, either personally, indirectly or on a meta-social scale.

What we may not know is how to approach the issue in our homes with the people we love.

While men shudder at the question “Does this make my bottom look big?” and women may notice their partner being particularly fond of snags on the new barbie, Australia has reached a point where, as a community, we must embrace active communication for our health – and the health of our families.

But before we go any further, the answer to that question is still a resounding No.

Background

From the mid-nineties to 2005 the percentage of the population being overweight leapt by 10%. Three years ago more than 60% of men were overweight, and more than 40% of women.

While we can become bored and overwhelmed by statistics and facts, keep in mind that about 95% of type 2 diabetes is weight related and obesity can lead to sleep disturbances, arthritis, reduced fertility, gallbladder disease, gout and cancer.

So be brave and approach your loved one because, ultimately, it will be worth it.

Approach

Weight and obesity are often directly linked to lifestyle. Because of this, we must remember that being overweight or obese is a medical concern like any other, and should never be described as a weakness or fault of those around us.

With this in mind it is easier to understand the interior and exterior pressures affecting our children or spouses. Reflect on your loved one as a whole personality – are they facing trouble at school, work or in their personal lives that may directly affect their eating or exercising habits?

It is useless to slog away at our physical health if our mental health is neglected. So approach your partner or child with understanding and compassion, because they may just be waiting for a chance to recognise a deeper issue. Depression is often a trigger or related issue of weight problems, so dealing with both may be necessary.

Communication

Ok, the tricky part.

Some important tips to remember before you get started:

• If you value your life, do not use the word ‘fat’.
• Be prepared and think about what you want to communicate to keep it concise. Maybe take a walk to clear you head first or write down what you want to say.
• Remember when Mum use to say “there is a time and a place”? She was right (as usual). So do not bring it up when your fiancé comes home after a big night with friends and a kebab. You may be mauled.
• Don’t shout. Be ready to listen, as well as to talk.
• Don’t be a food fascist. Criticism never works!
• Remember the three ‘S’s – support, support, support.

You know your loved ones better than anyone. So use your knowledge to communicate in a way they are comfortable with. Let them make jokes if they need to, and let them cry if they need to.

Be open and honest; don’t just ‘drop hints’.

Don’t patronise, condescend or become frustrated. Never bring the issue up when you are angry or tired – it will only end in tears (or a lamp having to be replaced). Try not to discuss the issue negatively, especially at the table. Food and exercise are supposed to be enjoyable, so let’s keep it that way!

But most importantly, let them know how much you love them and their weight or health could never change that.

Action

No one ever got hurt from eating well, so though you think you may not ‘need’ to eat healthy or exercise more, it is going to benefit the whole family unit if you get out there with your loved one.

Make exercising fun. Yes, it is possible. Squash, tennis and even going down to a heated pool in the cold weather are all activities you can do together. Plus, spending time together will benefit the soul.

But words without actions are meaningless. If they make the commitment – so should you. ‘I do not have time’ is not an excuse. There is always enough time to save our health, and the health of our sweethearts.

Maintenance

Lifestyle got Aussies into this mess, so our lifestyles will have to get us out. Becoming a happier, fitter person is a holistic affair. You are part of this person’s life, so your lifestyle should alter too.